No one in this world is perfect 100%. There are good and bad, happiness and sorrow, wins and losses mixed together. It’s a natural truth that everyone has to follow. If you can accept this truth, life will be much more comfortable and happy. However, some people cannot reveal their dark side, so they try to create highlights to cover their flaws, and it hurts every time they see someone has what they lack. This is because envious people like to compare and are addicted to competition. They feel good if they are above someone else. But some use confidence to hide their weaknesses, because of the fear of defeat, so they dare to trade everything. They want to win but end up losing more.
The character of people depends on many factors, whether it be upbringing, experiences, or even the environment, which results in different personalities among people. However, it’s us who decide what our life will be like, depending on our thoughts and actions. If you lose in a game, you can start over again, but real life is not like that, you can’t go back and rectify anymore.
Dr. Apichart Jarivawilas, a psychiatrist from the Ministry of Public Health, stated that everyone has had social experiences, encountered people who refuse to accept reality, deny wrongdoing, can’t accept defeat, always think they’re right in every case, and others can’t touch them. Let’s explore now if we’re the types who can’t accept defeat. When someone gives us advice and we get angry, if it’s only occasional discomfort and guilt, that’s normal. But if you feel angry every time, irritated every time someone points something out
“You have to observe whether you are angry every time or not, with everyone or not. But if it’s only with one person, you may just personally dislike that person, which is fine. But if it’s with everyone, no one can say anything, you get angry, annoyed, irritated all the time, always thinking negatively, then you fall into the category of people who can’t accept defeat, can’t accept reality.”
Occasionally accepting defeat has more advantages than disadvantages because it helps us to review and improve ourselves, recognize mistakes and correct them. Life progresses positively, is open-minded, not resistive, and becomes more likable in the eyes of others. Knowing defeat is knowing the reality of life that no one can be first all the time. Living with reality makes life much happier.
The nature of envious people
People who are envious of others, who can’t accept defeat, often have an envious nature. If a friend is richer, prettier, or more handsome, they feel uncomfortable, leading to comparisons. Psychologists say the feeling of envy is about not being able to feel content with one’s life because those who envy generally want what they envy. They are angry that others can achieve things in life and get what they want. In conclusion, envious people, sometimes, are pitiful. Denying others’ opinions, losers often think they know everything, but they can only answer superficially without knowing the details. Psychological studies indicate that there are people who can’t accurately assess their knowledge and understanding, so they exhibit know-it-all behaviors, simply because they fear being inferior to others.
Not knowing how to communicate with others often means not knowing how to build relationships with people around. Some might act arrogantly towards people of lower social status. What should be done is to learn to get along with others more, to widen our social network. Lack of self-confidence is one of the true characteristics of envious people. Underestimating themselves, not thinking they can develop or go further. Our life won’t go anywhere if that’s the case. It’s important that no matter who looks down on us, it’s not the same as looking down on ourselves.
Comparing ourselves to others does not make us better. If compared to someone successful, we might end up feeling sorry for ourselves. This is the most dangerous emotion for humans that can hinder personal growth. Blaming others when we make mistakes is not because we lack connections or funds, but because we didn’t try hard enough to succeed. Successful people don’t look for someone to blame but find ways to solve the problem so it doesn’t happen again.
Losing Gracefully
Dr. Jitreen Jai-dee, a psychiatrist at the Mental Health Center, Bangkok Hospital, said that family upbringing plays a part in shaping people. From the strict upbringing, pressure, and high expectations, when a child does well, parents are happy and proud. This makes the child feel rigid, wanting to be number one to make parents proud. Thus, parents should appreciate the child’s inner goodness. Appreciating when a child does well is different from overpraising. Appreciating when a child does well boosts positive morale, encourages appropriate behavior, and makes the child feel proud. As the child grows, they will become confident in their abilities, for instance, being kind, considerate, patient, and diligent, rather than focusing on being number one externally, like spending a long time studying for exams. Parents should be proud that their child tried hard, regardless of the outcome.
“It’s easier to teach in childhood. If left until grown-up and stuck in the habit of always needing to be the first, it’s harder to correct. If you have to work with someone like this, don’t try to win or confront them, similar to encountering a rude or aggressive person. We don’t need to respond aggressively but use it as a lesson for ourselves to be polite, gentle, and train ourselves not to have to win or compete with them. But, do it for competing with ourselves. See ourselves in times of defeat and accept defeat sometimes, know how to be patient, forbear, and not retaliate with violence or to win at all costs.”
Teaching children to appreciate others is one aspect of being sportsmanlike, which means recognizing the ability of others which leads to self-improvement by acknowledging the goodness in others. For example, if a friend of the child draws the best picture, parents should teach their child to appreciate it, along with encouragement that even though they didn’t win first place, they are still great in their parents’ eyes and they did their best today.
It’s not necessary for children to win every time. When parents play with their children, it’s not needed for the child to always win. Let them lose sometimes, to accept the reality that competitions have winners and losers. The first time might be hard, not wanting to lose, but once in a good mood, play again, let there be wins and losses, or find an opportunity for children to play with a group of friends freely. They’ll learn rules, outcomes, and not be intimidated by disappointment or defeat.
Looking for stories for comparison is a good method. Parents can find stories to compare for their children easily which teaches about sportsmanship, helping children understand winning and losing more easily through familiar characters.
Indeed, defeat brings sadness and disappointment, which are normal feelings. But how children present themselves after these feelings is something parents must vaccinate against losing badly, so that children enjoy competition regardless of loss or win.
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